just me

Luke 18 & Exodus 15

2010-03-04T22:04:00.000-08:00

路加福音 18

¹ 耶穌設一個比喻，是要人常常禱告，不可灰心。

² 說：某城裡有一個官，不懼怕神，也不尊重世人。

³ 那城裡有個寡婦，常到他那裡，說：我有一個對頭，求你給我伸冤。

⁴ 他多日不准。後來心裡說：我雖不懼怕神，也不尊重世人，

⁵ 只因這寡婦煩擾我，我就給他伸冤罷，免得他常來纏磨我！

⁶ 主說：你們聽這不義之官所說的話。

⁷ 神的選民晝夜呼籲他，他縱然為他們忍了多時，豈不終久給他們伸冤麼？

⁸ 我告訴你們，要快快的給他們伸冤了。然而，人子來的時候，遇得見世上有信德麼？

⁹ 耶穌向那些仗著自己是義人，藐視別人的，設一個比喻，

¹⁰ 說：有兩個人上殿裡去禱告：一個是法利賽人，一個是稅吏。

¹¹ 法利賽人站著，自言自語的禱告說：神阿，我感謝你，我不像別人勒索、不義、姦淫，也不像這個稅吏。

¹² 我一個禮拜禁食兩次，凡我所得的都捐上十分之一。

¹³ 那稅吏遠遠的站著，連舉目望天也不敢，只捶著胸說：神阿，開恩可憐我這個罪人！

¹⁴ 我告訴你們，這人回家去比那人倒算為義了；因為，凡自高的，必降為卑；自卑的，必升為高。

¹⁵ 有人抱著自己的嬰孩來見耶穌，要他摸他們；門徒看見就責備那些人。

¹⁶ 耶穌卻叫他們來，說：讓小孩子到我這裡來，不要禁止他們；因為在神國的正是這樣的人。

¹⁷ 我實在告訴你們，凡要承受神國的，若不像小孩子，斷不能進去。

¹⁸ 有一個官問耶穌說：良善的夫子，我該做甚麼事才可以承受永生？

¹⁹ 耶穌對他說：你為甚麼稱我是良善的？除了神一位之外，再沒有良善的。

²⁰ 誡命你是曉得的：不可姦淫；不可殺人；不可偷盜；不可作假見證；當孝敬父母。

²¹ 那人說：這一切我從小都遵守了。

²² 耶穌聽見了，就說：你還缺少一件：要變賣你一切所有的，分給窮人，就必有財寶在天上；你還要來跟從我。

²³ 他聽見這話，就甚憂愁，因為他很富足。

²⁴ 耶穌看見他，就說：有錢財的人進神的國是何等的難哪！

²⁵ 駱駝穿過針的眼比財主進神的國還容易呢！

²⁶ 聽見的人說：這樣，誰能得救呢？

²⁷ 耶穌說：在人所不能的事，在神卻能。

²⁸ 彼得說：看哪，我們已經撇下自己所有的跟從你了。

²⁹ 耶穌說：我實在告訴你們，人為神的國撇下房屋，或是妻子、弟兄、父母、兒女，

³⁰ 沒有在今世不得百倍，在來世不得永生的。 (路加福音 18, Chinese Union Version (Traditional))

出埃及記 15

¹ 那時，摩西和以色列人向耶和華唱歌說：我要向耶和華歌唱，因他大大戰勝，將馬和騎馬的投在海中。

² 耶和華是我的力量，我的詩歌，也成了我的拯救。這是我的　神，我要讚美他，是我父親的　神，我要尊崇他。

³ 耶和華是戰士；他的名是耶和華。

⁴ 法老的車輛、軍兵，耶和華已拋在海中；他特選的軍長都沉於紅海。

⁵ 深水淹沒他們；他們如同石頭墜到深處。

⁶ 耶和華阿，你的右手施展能力，顯出榮耀；耶和華阿，你的右手摔碎仇敵。

⁷ 你大發威嚴，推翻那些起來攻擊你的；你發出烈怒如火，燒滅他們像燒碎一樣。

⁸ 你發鼻中的氣，水便聚起成堆，大水直立如壘，海中的深水凝結。

⁹ 仇敵說：我要追趕，我要追上；我要分擄物，我要在他們身上稱我的心願。我要拔出刀來，親手殺滅他們。

¹⁰ 你叫風一吹，海就把他們淹沒；他們如鉛沉在大水之中。

¹¹ 耶和華阿，眾神之中，誰能像你？誰能像你 ─ 至聖至榮，可頌可畏，施行奇事？

¹² 你伸出右手，地便吞滅他們。

¹³ 你憑慈愛領了你所贖的百姓；你憑能力引他們到了你的聖所。

¹⁴ 外邦人聽見就發顫；疼痛抓住非利士的居民。

¹⁵ 那時，以東的族長驚惶，摩押的英雄被戰兢抓住，迦南的居民心都消化了。

¹⁶ 驚駭恐懼臨到他們。耶和華阿，因你膀臂的大能，他們如石頭寂然不動，等候你的百姓過去，等候你所贖的百姓過去。

¹⁷ 你要將他們領進去，栽於你產業的山上 ─ 耶和華阿，就是你為自己所造的住處；主阿，就是你手所建立的聖所。

¹⁸ 耶和華必作王，直到永永遠遠！

¹⁹ 法老的馬匹、車輛，和馬兵下到海中，耶和華使海水回流，淹沒他們；惟有以色列人在海中走乾地。

²⁰ 亞倫的姊姊，女先知米利暗，手裡拿著鼓；眾婦女也跟他出去拿鼓跳舞。

²¹ 米利暗應聲說：你們要歌頌耶和華，因他大大戰勝，將馬和騎馬的投在海中。

²² 摩西領以色列人從紅海往前行，到了書珥的曠野，在曠野走了三天，找不著水。

²³ 到了瑪拉，不能喝那裡的水；因為水苦，所以那地名叫瑪拉。

²⁴ 百姓就向摩西發怨言，說：我們喝甚麼呢？

²⁵ 摩西呼求耶和華，耶和華指示他一棵樹。他把樹丟在水裡，水就變甜了。耶和華在那裡為他們定了律例、典章，在那裡試驗他們；

²⁶ 又說：你若留意聽耶和華 ─ 你　神的話，又行我眼中看為正的事，留心聽我的誡命，守我一切的律例，我就不將所加與埃及人的疾病加在你身上，因為我 ─ 耶和華是醫治你的。

²⁷ 他們到了以琳，在那裡有十二股水泉，七十棵棕樹；他們就在那裡的水邊安營。 (出埃及記 15, Chinese Union Version (Traditional))

update on my job

2009-03-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

Lei says:
i come to realise that if i cant handle mentally the test of not having work to do, i wont be able to match up mentally when i'm under pressure and have too much to do
Lei says:
its all about the heart, and i gotta be able to adjust my mindset and attitude
Lei says:
and look at things in the positive light, relying upon God and persevere through it all still with my faith and hope intact
Lei says:
knowing that this is a period of waiting and testing for many more tests to come
Lei says:
as long as i keep myself engaged and be of use to the company, it doesnt really matter in what capacity i do it, chargeable or not i will still contribute as one of the smallest memebers of the body
Lei says:
that way at the end, even if chargeability were to work against me and upon my exit, i can look back and say i have ran the good race and see it to completion with every effort i have made the best out of the worst
*a conversation with my career counsellor at work who is also my boss.

new found realisation

2008-09-12T00:31:00.000-07:00

Below is a conversation with a friend of mine. We don't realise alot of what God did until a long time after, and this was something realised a year after I got the job offer at Accenture. Now i'm lost for words except Hallelujah.

<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
well its a consulting firm, which supposebly is the second hardest industry to get into
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
other than investment banking
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
apparently accenture require from ivey students 75 minute case interviews
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
crossing 5 different industries
baey says:
oh wow, that's intense.
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
and she asked if i had that when i was interviewing for them
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
and i didnt
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
each round of my interview was surprisingly easy
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
the further i go, people (mostly ivey people) kept telling me how hard accenture's interviews are and how u have to prepare for case interviews and stuff
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
but i didnt meet any of it
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
now i realise miraculously God made me skip all that
baey says:
hehe, the Lord must have opened the way for you.
baey says:
yeah, hallelujah!
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
and i found a new thing to give praise to The Lord for
baey says:
:)
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
i didnt realise just how tough the interviews were suppose to be
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
i kinda took for granted since i felt i got in so easy and other people around me, especially ivey people like *****, its so intimidating for them
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
i must say i was very very blessed
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
and it made me realise how little i did, and how it was so much of what God did
baey says:
that's pretty amazing indeed.
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
which further strengthened me, now i KNOW, before i just thought, but now i know, He WILL provide when i start working
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
right now again, everyone's been telling me how tough it is to start work there
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
and i talked to ***** and it sounds really tough
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
over time everyday and stuff
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
high pressure
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
intense situations
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
but now i know, i finaly know, God is gonna prepare the way
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
not just in my mind but in my heart
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
He will provide for my every need when i start work
baey says:
and what a blessed assurance it is!
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
yea, its so crazy
baey says:
nobody can take that away from you.
<><>RIG...[Jesus CHINA]...lyang13.blogspot.com... says:
praise God indeed

then i listened to this song, God is awesome
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZCInHGfv2o

time to let go

2008-08-22T01:50:00.000-07:00

I know i havnt kept up with blogging, so i decided to come back and visit almost a year after my last entry. I'm at San francisco. So the story takes place on the court. I went out the other day by myself to go play some ball, there was a playground close enough by my house. After I got there I found myself having the entire court by myself, but not for long. This black guy twice my size came and gestured for the ball. Out of respect I let him shoot a few, then he asked for a one on one. So the situation is, I havnt played for 3 months, so i just came to get back my touch, even on my best i dont think i have anything on this guy, let alone now, so naturally i said yes. :)

After 2 games, which i lost both 21 to nothing, he said u should play hard, to which I objected, excuses came:"I havnt played for 3 months, i'm asian and i'm half ur size." i didnt say the second part out loud. To which he said: doesnt matter, u just gotta try harder. at this point I thought i cant talk to this guy, he doesnt do excuses, and i caught myself thinking that, to which i smiled and thought, i'm gonna talk to this guy.

We talked about basketball, NBA, politics, racial differences in politics, then he said i'm a christian (not outta the blue but yea) his views has been very similar to mine and it turns out we're very agreeble to each other's opinions. And when it came to the Bible this guy knew his verses. I told him about simple churches, told him God's calling for me next year, told him my views on our relationship with God and how we're falling short of a personal relationship. So from opponents to brothers in Christ, it took almost 3 hours, but it was worth it. We talked about doing a Bible study together or possibly go out to evangelise, whatever God calls us.

So that's the prelude to the thought. I realised something while I was playing against him. There was a reason why I didnt try my best. I failed short of my best and thats usually not acceptable in my books. So I was wondering why i didnt play hard. I realised I didnt wanna lose face, i didnt wanna reach my limit, i wanna make myself look like i still got room to go so that I wont feel so weak and pathetic in front of him. I dont wanna play till i drop, cos i'm still holding onto my last ounce of self pride. That's why its time to let go. play like there's no tomorrow, like theres no return, leave everything on the court, thats what i tell myself all the time, but for that moment i forgot, and i lost, i lost big. the pain of losing my pride was worse than losing itself and thats not right. i'd rather lose completely than to give up my pride. Wow. My sword need some sharpening, pray for me.

so this is what happens when I get bored?

2007-12-25T16:37:00.000-08:00

To be honest I'm not even bored, but I felt like blogging about something I don't even know, I have no feelings or things that I would blog that wasnt as big as the other blog entries i skipped out on. I guess I feel like I owe it to the ones that still read. Heres a list of blog entries I would gonna write but skipped feel free to msn me for details and testimony, but the title is as much of a sharing you gonna get from this blog. I'd much rather share in person.
1. moving houses, definetely a blog worthy journey, God opened my eyes and taught me how to depend on him.
2. Found and accepted a job as a consultant at Accenture, another praise worthy item, again learning that I can do jack all unless it is by God's grace.
3. This year my calling, discipleship, been focusing much effort and energy on Youngens. Super time and energy consuming, but I know i'm contributing.
4. Prayer meetings, slowly moving towards party mode :)
5. p+rs, I owe Ernie and others who wanna know like 16 blog enties on what's been going on at p+rs, I'll share in person, but mostly about our lives in Christ, been born again, born of the Spirit and been set free.
6. San fran and conference, havnt happened yet, but i'm sure its good.
I wonder if blogging has ever been fun for me. To read people's comments or people talking to me about my blog entries, but right now this is not really for entertainment values.
I came to San Fran without expectations, then satan started putting thoughts in my mind the first day I arrived, his timing is pretty solid i must say, started having images of what i think FRCC should be like, what the conference should be like, then what my parents should be like, all that I realise is BS, cos they're all based on past expereinces, i hate limiting God to my thinking, so I rebuked it and its gone. Right now i'm just left with a strong desire to be alone and worship God, i'm glad, i kinda wished i didnt live with my parents so i wouldnt have so much places to go and people to see and stuff to buy, i apprecaite them, but i want my quiet time with God, that's what i'm here for really. Recently its been kinda noisy in my house, in the nicest way possible i wish my parents would not speak for a day.
This was said during last sat's prayer meeting at FRCC, which i think is good for all to read, its mostly for people going to the conference, which applies to One Thing goers, other conference goers and ACF retreat goers.
Pastor shared a vision of one of the Prayer Warriors " he saw God wrote a letter, sealed it then gave it to him, told him to deliver it to the people so that all may receive the Word. He did as he was told, but he found that everyone who received, only received a little piece, cannot receive the whole letter, he wondered why, then it was shown to him that everyone who want to receive the letter had to give him the tablet of his heart in order to receive the Word, but each person only willing to tore off a little bit of the tablet, which means they can only receive just a small part of the letter, theres still large chunks of the tablet left of just white space." Moral of the vision, we must prepare our heart such that we can give up our whole heart, not just a little piece, in order to receive the full blessings of what God has in store for us. So many of us hold back, and we miss out on God's blessings, so often we have always received, constantly received the buffet of God's blessing at ACF or where ever we are that we are no longer hungry, thats also dangerous, we need to be hungry and thirsty for God's Word, and the first step is to empty ourselves, we did some big time emptying at the prayer meeting, now i think its time to go do yours, only when we are empty vessels can we be annointed with oil like Elisha and the widow. So go and be hungry, not for bread but for every Word that comes out of God's mouth.

more than conquerors

2007-09-17T10:57:00.000-07:00

Are you afraid to die? I was, and still am. Cos I was raised in China, communism with a solidified ground that when we die, we will go to dust and thats the end of it, I will no longer exist, the me that people know will be no more, and nothing is replaced. many years i asked, how could this happen, the best answer i got was, it happens to all of us, and take comfort in knowing that plenty of people will die before you. That's the best this world has to offer me. Till i met this dude named Jesus, and its said about him that for God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son, so that all who belives in him do not perish but have everlasting life. The famous verse from John, i admit thats what attracted me most about Christ, he can give me life!! and not the life that this world has promised me, but life everlasting. But i read somewhere else that troubled me,

"38and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Mathew 10:38
What the heck??? I thought you came so that I can have life and life to the fullest. I interpreted it this way, correct me if i'm wrong, theres 2 lifes here, one is worldly life, one that will perish, belongs to the flesh, one is everlasting life, that does not perish that belongs to the soul. My body may die but my soul lives on and will go through judgement. So if I reword this passage, it becomes, whoever find his worldly life will lose it, and whoever loses his worldly life for my sake will find eternal life. This comes back to what i've been reading in Revelations, this is a long overdue post, cos i read this pasage in san fran. Revelations 12:11 11
They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
That's pretty huge, they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death, even at gun point, they will not stop testifying for Jesus. Can I do that? Can you do that?
the following courtesy of Biblegateway
"In this pronouncement the "overcomers" of chapters 2-3 are identified as Christian martyrs. Their victory over the dragon comes not by physical prowess, nor even by purity or good works, but solely by their willingness to face martyrdom for Jesus Christ. They will be victorious in exactly the same way in which Jesus the Lamb was victorious--through their deaths."If we only know the joy and the victory that will come after we give our worldly lives, if we only know how we will be rewarded for our faithfulness...we do know, I know the one thing that I desire from God when I see him, "well done good and faithful servant" or in anime talk "as expected from a child of mine." Does all these things make death less scary, i dont think so, but does it make death worth it?? Yes!! for sure.
as Paul says: As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."^[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." i wont highlight anything cos all of them are important, and i've already highlighted what i think is the most important, God doesnt necessarily want all of us to be martyrs, but what he does want is "their willingness to face martyrdom for Jesus Christ". I lack freedom in that willingness, i'm gonna go pray for that now, what about you?

How great thou art

2007-08-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

Today we went for a drive to san fran's golden bridge, we climbed on top of the montain beside it, after an hour of traffic and walking, we stood on top of the montain, looking down at the tiny pebbles of cars and people, with a grand view of the pacific and san francisco, couldnt help but praising God's creation, it looked so beautiful, so glorious from the top, truly one cant help but question who designed and created this marvelous scene, "then sings my SOUL my saviour God to thee, how GREAT thou art, how GREAT thou art." Words cant described how majestic the scene was, and that is merely a GLIMPSE of God's CREATION, how much more majestic would the real thing be? how much more majestic would the creator be?

I cant afford to hold back

2007-08-17T23:04:00.001-07:00

I went to another fellowship from the same churched called pure heart, joined the younger group. We sang worship songs Karaoke style, its like a dream come true hahaha, always wanted to do that at karaokes, cos usually i dont know the songs they sing, but also worship songs is that much cooler, havnt jumped and danced around like that in a while. It's really freeing, we stood on our chairs at the end and declared and made a commitment to change. time to be a man of my words.

Sometimes I wonder if i have been truly set free, or did i put on a fake smile as if i'm free so that others dont have see the burdens i carry, or people wont think its very christian of me that i'm still bound by stuff, people would think less of me if i dont serve God wholeheartedly, that i'm still holding back. I cant afford to hold back anymore, this time i'm facing an opponent that draws out the best and worst of me. I know i already have victory, but i cant guarantee that i'll win, its a wierd thought, but that what i'm thinking, we proclaimed that tomorrow is going to be a better day than today, i smiled cos enoch was saying a while ago that every day is better than the previous one, so everyday is the best day of my life, cos each day we get that much closer to God. I dont wanna falter on this one, tomorrow will be better than today, God's guaranteed, i'm not going to allow myself to be miserable tomorrow, i dont have to be in a good mood, but i will rejoice cos its better than the day before.
the worship was great, but the small talk after is always awkward, i dont know them, they have no reason to talk to me except to be nice, i have nothing to say to them cos i know i wont remember anything of their names, and i'm skeptical if they remember mine, but that doesnt matter, i'm just tired of telling people i'm from cananda, tired of saying yes to whether or not i know yun ping, dont get me wrong, they're great people, i just dont like this stage of getting to know them. I'm glad i can share with one guy that its a blesing to be here, i felt tongue tied, i felt i was outta words, i felt awkward, i have 2 weeks, i cant build a reasonably deep relationship with any of you, yet you try to make me feel welcome, funy usually the people that make an attempt to talk to me is usually the ones that have the most stuff to do at the fellowship, like leading worship and such, i kinda miss the one on one relationship i built in TO, in london, but i know if i stay here long enough i can also build my own, except i wont, i'm just here to take, to mooch off them, i'm not ashamed, they're here to give, i'm here to take, i'm thankful that God provided for me to take, so i'll gonna take all i can, eat all i can of spiritual food, so i can take it back to ACF, i want my rest, and God's given it, PTLs.

overwhelmed

2007-08-15T23:00:00.001-07:00

what can I say. just been in San fran for 2 days. Second day went to a family small group at forerunners church, one word, overwhelmed. The good kind. Start off with dinner, nothing much to say about that. anyways, onto the worship, when it started it blew my mind away. really powerful, i love the waiting on God before worship, they spend sometime right before worship starts to just wait on God, listening with piano playing. People there are solid, God loving, vulnerable and honest. i just felt rested there, just know that i can worship so freely, truly amazing. It's hard to admit, but people there yelled louder than me, they really SHOUTED to the LORD, cried out, people who needed healing cried out in agony, people with thanksgiving cried out with joy, amongst the shouting and praising is my heart, trembling with emotions i cant describe, but peace among all others. We sang a song that really got me, not got TO me, but got me. the words were basically, i am beautiful and noble, you say to me: very good, very good. I couldnt sing that for a while cos i know what i am, i dont think i'm either beautiful or noble, in fact very much the opposite, but the last words got me, i should think about myself the same way God think about me, he say to me very good, very good, so i should just have humility and say yes Lord, I am what you say I am.
How fitting that today's topic was humility, actually the whole year's topic is humility, the woman who was leading the study shared, mostly about her own life, her struggles for the last week, with her husband, their arguments and stuff, but she shared about how she do things, how she's scared of critisims, how she's scared of being yelled at cos she has such high standards for herself, shoot, i've never experienced such a blatant attempt by God to talk to me, it was almost...overwhelming, i knew right then and there who she was talking to, at least who God is trying to talk to through her. then later another people shared about how she always does stuff to please others...dang, two strikes in a row, who are these guys? did they study up on me before i came? how could they? maybe ypl shared a little too much? how else could they know? no one but God.
Then we split off into small...er groups to pray for each other, we shared about our struggles to be humble at workplace, its one of the first time i hear my dad share about his life in a christian context in a while, even though i was kinda skeptical of the things he said, but i tried to encourage him with God's words none the less, the host family reminds me to many families back in TCAC, so loving and caring, yet filled by the HS. Wish I could stay there forever, they were anouncing about their upcoming programs, like training on healing others, dang, training on interceding prayers, dang...i have gotta get me some of that.
all in all, i was pretty blown away, i'm happy for my parents, almost jealous, but its a good thing, cant wait till they grow, and i cant wait what more God has to show me over the next couple of weeks.
PTLs indeed, he has brought me here to be with him, and that i will do. Thanks pops

its been a while

2007-08-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

since i've blogged last time. i feel like i 've been just a walking corpse or a zombie, doing the bidding of those that requires of me. dont really know what i'm doing, counting down the days till i leave, theres so much to do, so much people to see, yet i feel i'm constantly seeing people. feel so useless, i hate making small talks, i wanna know you, not the side of you that u wanna show me. feel so fake, i hate telling people about my day, screw my day, i wanna tell u about my future. feel so depressed, i hate leaving, i've left so many places, each one just gets harder, i wanna make the time continue longer, but i cant. theres so much happened, but i dont wanna talk about any of it here, seems theres too many to even start. i dont have AC, so yesterday morning i woke up at 6 from the heat, thought i was gonna die, every night before i go to bed i pray that i will see another day, i wanna live, yet i dont feel alive, i pray that i dont die, but i dont pray that i wanna live, it so strange, its like all i want is to not die, anything above and beyong i dont really care. So what am i living for? For his glory and his renown, if there was no hope of seeing his name proclaimed i got nothing. i dont feel anything nowadays when i sing, but i sing anyways, Lord show me something, show me a glimpse of your glory so that i know what u can give is so much more than what the world can offer, show me you are better than the riches of this world, show me you are better than pornography, show me u are better than playing softball. Show me your glory Lord, let me not continue in my ways but abide in yours, let this decaying body of mine walk in your Spirit, even if it kills me. Actually sometime i think to die for God is too easy, long suffering seem to be harder, either way, i consider all i have now as loss, compare to KNOWING YOU, let me know you half as much as you know me. Please

Ephialtes

2007-05-31T21:41:00.000-07:00

This is an interesting character, he was born with deformaties, and got to live because his parents fled the country, now come back to his father's armour, ready to fight. But the problem, he cant hold his shield properly, so in the sphynlax he would be the weak spot, in other words, he would get in the way. Shooot.
Urahara-san: A warrior who has lost the ability to fight is only going to be in the way
Such cold sstuff to say, but I cant help but agree with him.
King leonidas also says along the same lines, furthermore he said that he could cater to the injured and sweep the battle field.So he turn to the darkside, where orihime strive to become one with ability to fight.
The difference between ephialtes and orihime? One live to fight, the other fight to live. That's what it comes down to, if you live to fight, your goal is simply to fight, it doesnt matter if you're on the good side or darkside, but if you fight to live, fight to gain victory for the people you care for, you always fight on one side.
So how do you draw from this analogy? I'm not gonna explain right here, draw from it whatever you feel God tells you, I already got told, i'm interested in seeing what you get from it.

2007-05-10T21:19:00.000-07:00

Spartan King Leonidas: Then what must a king do to save his world when the very laws he has sworn to protect force him to do nothing?
Queen Gorgo: It is not a question of what a Spartan citizen should do, nor a husband, nor a king. Instead, ask yourself, my dearest love, what should a free man do?

Sometimes thats what i feel like when i love people, i see people go in self-destruct mode and i help them, in love and wisdom, but when i get rejected it hurts, and sometimes i cant but wonder what am i doing? I'm trying to protect, but yet the people i'm trying to protect are the ones letting me down, they force me into nothingness and i feel useless. Its satan's ultimate objective to render me useless, so get thee behind me satan for your powers are useless against the powers that is within me.

"Immortals, we'll put their name to the test".

Sometimes there are expectations about me, especially when i go back next year, people that have heard of my stories and have certain expectations about me will finaly be able to get to know me, and i will know them. We're called our names for a reason, if i'm known to be an intercessor then i show it, if i'm know to be a follower of Christ then I will shine his light, theres no second alternatives, i am who God made me. Theres no fear that i will not live up to the expectation for i live only to God's expectations, whatever he commands me to do. But next year, my credibility, my name and my nindo will be put to the test in front of strangers, sometimes i feel why i have to prove these things to people, but just as the 7 men called to be servants in Acts, they had good credibility as well as major faith, I should also gain credibility among men as well as God, my Father has already called me to be worthy of a son, now its time for others to be blest through me.

Madness???THIS IS SPARTA

2007-05-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

Spartan King Leonidas: Submission? Well that's gonna be a bit of a problem. See, rumor has it that the Athenians have already refused you, and if those philosophers and boy-lovers have found that kind of nerve...
Theron: [Interrupting] We must be diplomatic.
Spartan King Leonidas: ...and of course Spartans have their reputations to consider.
...
Messenger: Choose your next words carefully, Leonidas. They may be your last as king.
Spartan King Leonidas: You bring the skulls and crowns of conquered kings to my doorsteps, you insult my queen, and you threaten my people with death and slavery! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same!

How often have we been intimidated by the enemy, by the threats he waves at us, persian messenger carries the skulls of all the kings they have conquered, when satan brandishes his fangs, when he demands us to bow down to him with threats of death and slavery, he comes, insults our bridegroom, I have chosen my words carefully, have you chosen yours?
You are either for God's kingdom or against him, even when it seems that everywhere is surrounded by satan's forces, we know that our God and King stands by us, we can reject satan with confidence, laugh at his threats with distain, for we know the strengths we fight with, and we Christians, also have our reputation to consider. We're known as descendents from Jesus himself, taught to love with great power and authority, who then can tell us to submit to them but our one true God, anyone else is just an imposter.
These lines really got me, the ancients holds their words in high regards, like how christians should hold our words, so when they speak they choose their words carefully, one slip from the Persian messenger in his tongue cause him to be buried in a well. How should christians speak then? James chapter 3, TOO EASY!!! We are men and women of our words, it is by our testimony and Jesus' blood that satan will ultimately be defeated (Revelations) So let us speak boldly and with confidence that God has given us the wisdom, Colossians 3:16 "16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." HAROO!!

300

2007-05-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

this is gonna be the start of a series of blogs about 300, i'll try not to do the same ones other people did, people who read my blog probly read enoch's as well, so i'll do different lines, or do same lines with different takes.
In the beginning I find it interesting how Sparta trains their young. First of all, in order to survive you must pass the first test, born without defomaties. If you aren't, your cast into the pit to die, seems pretty harsh, but isnt that God's take on humans? That we must be pure and blameless infront of him, Romans 2. So how then can we be blameless when we face the great white throne. Sacrifice of Jesus, too easy.
Second clip, the kid is trained by his father, constantly in a situation of fighting to strengthen himself. I think i'll do that with my kid, spiritually speaking, that i will constantly train him/her in warfare, that he is always in a ready state of battle. Teaching him constantly how to respond against satan's lies, "what do you say when he says you're useless?", "I am a child of God and useful only to him.", something to that effect. After all, I learned from my Father.
Now he goes through his test, faced alone with the big wolf, he has no place to retreat, so he leads him to a narrow gateway, faced in great danger, in a battle for life and death, only then can a boy become man, when he is tested to that extreme, when he has faced death and conquered it, he is claimed victorious, who else conquered death? Our Lord Jesus Christ, when he is faced with the big bad wolf, he showed no fear, so we too shows no fear to our enemies in their intimidation, no matter how scary they look, Spartans live to die a "beautful death", we have a better death, a death that leads to eternity with God, we're dead to the body but alive in the soul, show satan today that he can find no fear in you, and the only thing he will see is your sword of the Spirit and shield of faith, HAROO!!

2007-04-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

the day is brighter here with you, the night is lighter because of you. Praise God, i finished my tax exam, and doesnt matter what the outcome is, i will praise him, for he has been faithful and brought me through the valley of tax. Now i gotta do my personal tax, dang. One thing after another.
I wanna go back to london this weekend, but now with all the things going on, it might be next weekend.
Today at prayer meetin was pretty good, big turn out, 8, i was pleased. And there were a couple that were heavy laden, for some reason i sensed, it might just because it was obvious. I wanted to pray for them, but when we split off into groups i were in his group, but i got the sense that he was taken care of, hazza for the body. None is forgotten, i got called a prayer warrior, funny, before that we were reading about pride and how the disciples were big time offenders, then someone calls me a prayer warrior, its true, i am, but not because i deserve, because God made me one. If it were up to me, well first year was a prime example of how little i cared about prayer, but praise God other people beat some prayer sense into me, ypls dragged me out of bed at night to pray, pps was huuuge. I think about the man i've become, this is what God called me to be, so i'm gonna milk it, if he called me to pray instead of going to China, i'll say yes Lord. But i do wanna go to the field that i've longed for and spread the word to chinese people, but God called me to pray for the ones who are going. i'm almost jealous of Irene, she get to go to the field, but i also know the blessings awaits me when i pray for her, so its all good. For some reason i've become financially more aware, i look at my status, i cant help but think about the expenses i will incurr next year and start saving, and not wanting to spend anything right now, but the parable of the smart servant comes to mind, use your worldly treasures to make friends when you have them, use the things that does not last to invest into treasures that last for eternity, i know the concept pretty well, but a hard time doing it. Darg, why dont i see the benefit of investing? Why horde the treasure on earth rather than spend it and save up in heaven, time to take off my eyepatch.

Into marvelous light

2007-04-12T22:10:00.000-07:00

things are looking up. Even though I still feel depressed, and even tho the world around me is still pressing down on me, even tho many pressure is still there, even tho the weeks ahead is looking busier and busier, but things are looking up. Cos i look up and there he is, his majesty, love unfailing, glory beyond compare. So its all good. For he knows the plans he has for me, to build me not to destroy me. Mercyme has such great songs, i <3 them.
last week on bleach, in the first part, they were fighting a whole bunch of powerful arrancars. Each and everyone of them are engaged in their own battle, but knowing also that they're not alone, other people are doing their seperate battles, its comforting for me to hear the struggles that other warriors go through, makes me feel sane, makes me feel that i dont have it quite as bad as i thought so. I always wondered how i would measure up if i was faced with the challenge like abraham, giving up his son, or moses leading a whole nation out of somewhere and only to face their complaints. But that's ok, the battle i have today is my unit of measure. I like grimmjow's line, i'm not here to play, just draw your bankai already. That's how i wanna measure myself, i'm here to fight temptation, its too easy with God's strength, my God can render your attacks useless, infact his reiatsu would time warp you. So draw your bankai already, cos you dont have a chance.
The part of uhururu is super sweet too, she goes mental and destroys the arrancar. Such awesome lines, when i heard it, immediately i thought of God's kingdom and our jobs here on earth. My goal is Heaven on earth, therefore anything that obstruct that mission is dangerous, therefore must be destroyed, now I fly into the sky and choke the enemy *flying and choking motion.
The finaly we come across the genkai kaihou. I know my limits here on this earth, with myself i cant do jack, i can use my 3 flowers and still nothing, but God has sealed me with his seal, and with that seal comes the authority to use his power, so my genkai has being lifted, i am marked with his seal and its not my own power, but the power that is granted to me, contained within the seal. Delivered simply through God's words. Now i'm ready to fight.

Edit:
Found a verse relate to being sealed by Jesus Christ. Paul wrote in Galatians 6:17 "Finally, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus." OORAH!!

Good Friday

2007-04-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, your glorious light beyond compare, There will be an end to these struggles but until till that day comes, still I will praise you, I will praise you LORD. For you have been faithful, and you are and forever you will be. Freely you give and freely you take away, but you never take away your grace and your mercy, you never take away salvation, and thats enough for me. My God reigns and satan on this day 2007 years ago you were defeated. Once and for all, He has paid for my sins, with each lash of the whip and each pounding of the nail, in some way it was the worst possible day in history for God, cos his only begotten son was seperated from him momentarily, but with that comes the forgiveness of my sins, when the father turned his face away, its so that he can turn his face towards me. My sin, oh the bliss of that glorious thought, my sin not in part, but the whole, is NAILED to the cross, and I BEAR it no more, it is well, it is well with my soul.
Only Jesus could've beared my burdens, and only him could've casted it away from me, I think about my trials and sufferings, i never had to gone through that in my life, for me he gave his life away, and what can I give in return? Nothing short of my all.
For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten son, so that all who believe in him may not perish but have ever lasting life.
This is one thing satan can not take away from me, he can take away my gold, my cloth, my money, my friends even my family, but not this, for God loved me and sacrificed for me, and I have this blest assurance. its not that I earned this, but it was freely given. So I worship him with my heart mind and soul, to the God that is my ultimate caregiver, my conqeror, my LORD, my salvation, my joy, my victory, my bridegroom.

didn't I already do this?

2007-03-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I was preparing to go to bed, I went to brush my teeth, it felt as if I just did it, when I sqeezed the tube of tooth paste, it felt so familiar that I must've done it not long before, that sensation was too close to be this morning. So based on my feelings I reached the conclusion, I already did this. But then I examined my teeth, no, it doesnt feel like its been brushed yet, and if it has been brushed, clearly i didnt do a good enough job the first time...feel like i'm going momento.
But the facts spoke louder, so I obliged to bend over the sink and brush..."once again", then it sorta struck me, recently, there are coutless times where God has lead me down the same path, the similar trials, similar problems, similar people, that lead me to ask him, didn't I already do this? And a lot of times I lose patience and just wanna get it over with, but to be real with myself, did i do a good job in the first place? Did I love with my mind, strength and soul? Did I love him/her as myself. Could I have walked the extra mile, or turned the other cheek? If the answer is yes, then I better get my ass in check and do a decent job this time, its too late to change the past, but its still too early to say i've already done this.

logic and feelings

2007-03-04T21:20:00.000-08:00

i've been pretty struck recently, with respect to my logical side and my ... human side for a lack of better word. Most time I do things in the most efficient way possible, thus the logic that comes into play. And i remember on tsa's blog talking about efficiency in our speech, just try imagine what a 100% efficient speech would sound like, that would be quite crazy, and i dont think we as humans can handle 100% efficiency in our speech. I, Robot was on tonight, which also triggers alot of thinking, the premise of the robot is that it is completely logical, therefore in capable of feelings and emotions, basically, they have no heart, like the tin man. But the whole point is, God designed us in such a way that we have capability to love, to show emotion, to be able to feel. Usually i disregard feelings because they shouldnt come into play when i'm making decisions, but they do, and sometimes i feel like i cant help it. Today as men's group I shared a little about foolish talks. Seems we're pretty inefficient with our speech, as Paul says in

Ephesians:"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

It seems like a great ideal, but is it practical? I think it is, depends on what your interpretation of unwholesome means, we can joke around and laugh and that would still build each other up, but when is it too much? I dont know anymore, when i mentioned that we should watch what comes out of our mouth, i was met with a quick defense of "we're only joking around, gotta watch not to be too strict on that" I remember when we talked about this in ACF and it was met with a different response, the men's group were watching what we're saying more often, and we started pointing out to each other when we our speech werent benefiting others. But in all honesty, i dont think neither is wrong, just different way of approaching things, but I do believe that we ought to as children of God be an exmaple in our tongue and only let psalms and thanksgiving comes out of our mouth, wouldnt that be great? guess that'll be heaven, when all our speech would be made perfect and 100% efficient to Glorify God, thats a new kind of gg, capital G and capital G. Anyways, maybe my expectations are unreasonable, but these are some of the things and challenges i've met here at TCAC, not to say i'm on a higher spiritual level, but that my expectations are different than some people's and sometimes when these things happen it makes life harder, but i would never stop voicing my opinion just because its always confronted by defence and rejection. I say what i get from God, cos what he has given me is not for me, its for the ones he and I loves, and thats you. So be ready to defend. For it is my expectation for myself and others to:"19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Can you handle it?

2007-02-28T20:54:00.000-08:00

I've been on lent, from NBA, so no watching, no gaming regarding NBA, not even checking the scores. I've gotta say its been pretty rough, i stoped them and now left with all these free time, and realise NBA was a big part of my life. Now i'm free, but now i get bound by another game. So stupid. Sometimes i wanna destroy myself for being so stupid. Today there was an article on the kids in uni and how they're more narcissitic than their previous generations, its also has to do with self indulgence and everything. Seems our parents have been so focused on giving us positives and trying to build our self-esteem, we're becoming big headed bunch. So sometimes i wonder, i tell myself alot of positive things, especially we christians. Cos we're a special bunch, chosen by the Father, sons and daughters of God, working for his glory, chosen generation and all that. Which is all good, but we run alot of risk of giving ourselves the glory and become bloated with self-esteem. Not to say that we continuosly tell ourselves that we're not good enough and dumb, but sometimes it could get to the point where we become self-centred.
Iunno, maybe its paranoia, but sometimes i wish i had another me that could kick my ass, to keep me in check, always reminding whose the real big boss, always reminding me when i feel prideful.
main character from Fight club would be an example, tho his split personality is teaching him and leading the way, i want more of a kicking and discipline personality. That could just say straight out to me, ur wrong and ur being prideful. its wierd, we're told not to put ourselves down so much, i sometimes find i go the other extreme. Time for a reality check.

back to the basics, God is faithful

2007-02-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

so the week before last week, i was sick and took 2 days off work. last friday was the time to put in my working hours on the computer, all of our hours we keep track ourselves and later our manager approves them, but realistically we can put anything we want so long as its not outrageous. So i consulted a few people about how i should put my hours since its the first time i had to take a sick leave and my manager wasnt there, i've heard from some peeps that interns dont get paid for sick days, and some other peeps say we should, i asked one HR guy and he suggested i play dumb and just put it as regular as if i worked. Now if i dont get paid for sick days, thats a loss of 200 dollars. So i was thinking what i should do, then i thought what would Jesus do, its cliche but it works, tho i dont have the bracelet anymore, i dont need it. So I put down two days worth of sick days. And now i get the pay cheque, not only did i get paid for those sick days, there was a year end bonus which we didnt think interns would get (cos we were under the impression it was only for regular emplyees) and it comes to about 200 dollars. So PTLs, he works so faithfully. It's crazy how simple obedience leads to cool blessings. Let this encourage y'all to trust and obey.

Borat

2007-02-18T20:29:00.000-08:00

So I went to see Borat...I forgot how long ago, but it was before the xmas break. Man its been a while, anyways been meaning to blog about this for a while, but never had the motivation to do so, today was talking about it with couple of church friends, so it was a nice reminder. People who don't wanna see Borat because of the crude humour, I would say they're getting too caught up on the crudeness to risk missing a chance to open their eyes. But if its not worth it then its up to you. I went with the expectation of being offended, as i saw in the trailors that it has clips about christians too, so obviously he would make fun of them, but I just wanted to see how could he portray the typical christian. But actually, I wasnt offended for the jokes he made, I was more offended at the behaviour of certain "christians", or so they refer themselves as.
Anyways, the whole point is Borat goes around the US portraying himself as this guy from Kazhakstan, (cant spell). And he does all these things and try to learn the American culture. So there are a few things i observed which in one way or another challenged me to analyse further my behaviour as a christian.
He came to the states, and his supposed culture taught him that to greet someone, you would go and kiss him on the cheek, so while he landed in the states, he went on the subway and set forth in kissing people and introducing himself, everyone was very violently rejecting his gesture, thus causing alot of commotion, one guy was running for a good stretch from one side of the road to another to avoid touching him. This reminded me of when Jesus and the Jewish people back in the days, this is how they greeted each other, they focus on touch, as this brings people closer. This conscious effort to reach out to people made them show their love to one another. He came, showed love and the American, "the more culturally advanced" rejects this kinds of behaviour. When's the last time when I just went to up my friend and hugged them, whens the last time i used my actions to show my love instead of just words. We're so out of "touch" pun intended, that we dont know who and how to touch anymore. You kiss your wife becuse u love them, u kiss your kids because you love them, why dont you kiss your neighbours then? Why dont you kiss your enemies? This made me think.
Second point, when he goes around the states, he was quite strange in his behaviour, so people rejected him, especially the people that consider themselves as tolerative people, people of higher class, higher education that knows how to treat people well, rejected him and his culture, but the people that accepted him and welcomed him are the lower class, that are also the rejects of their society, the poor, the homeless, the ghettos, the prostitute. These people knows what its like to be rejected by their society, so they share the same sentiment as him, therefore easier to accept him. Do I truly know what it means to be rejected by society? Can I truly accept a "outcast" from society and befriend and love him? This made me ponder
Third, he goes to this high class house in the southern states to leanr fine dining etiquette. Along with the host, also as dinner guests is a pastor and his wife. So I'm just gonna assume this household is also christian, and they were willing to open up their home to this kazak reporter, personaly i dont kno what their moitive is, but its commendable. Half way through dinner he calls the local escort service and invite a prostitute to this house. So as you might imagine the master of the house was quite embarassed and furious. What amazed me and embarassed me is the pastor couple, get this, they stand up and said they have to be excused and they TOOK OFF!!!!!! Here is this man who claims to follow a messiah who dined and welcomed prostitutes and sinners, but what does he do??? He RUN AWAY, and that pissed me off. It would've been the perfect opportunity to welcome and sit with sinners and show them what the love of Christ is about and they leave. WTF!?!?! This made me angry
And finally, there is a basic plotline to the movie, so if you wanna watch it and havnt and dont wanna know, stop reading this paragraph and jump onto the later one. So he bsically saw Pamela Anderson and fell in "love", so he sets off on this journey to find her. Half way through, his manager took all of his belongings and leaves, he was left with nothing but the cloths on his back and a chicken, live, in his bag. He slept outside what appears to be a christian conference centre, and in the morning he goes inside and find them worshipping, there were some making fun of people speaking in tongues and stuff, which might be offensive to some, but the point is, from then on, he gained faith and strength to continue pursue his goal and he made a commitment to go to california with "Mr Jesus" and take Pamela back. What this part portrayed is a rebound from the bottom, the protagonist goes through some trials and this part is where the protagonist rebounds from his low point in the movie and everything begins to get better. It pleased me that the movie decided to use the church as a rebounding point, where he gets "saved" and gets his strength, determination and will back, even if his goal is something of this world, but the process is essentially the same, some might say its cliche, but then again, i'm still happy that the fact that christianity can be portrayed as the way to be saved.
So there it is, my own little learning from Borat, please dont judge it by the trailors, you'll miss something, look past the crudeness and the grossness to find the true lessons in the movie. God used the movie to speak to me, he might do the same to you. But if you know you cant look past the grossness and the offensiveness then dont watch it, its better to not learn the lesson than tempt yourself and fall into sin.
peace and blessings

time has come

2006-12-25T23:20:00.000-08:00

so i shaved my head again, and things looks clearer now. theres so much to blog about, but dont know where to start. Seems kinda mundane to blog about stuff thats 2 months old, but sometimes have to do things to edify others, not just myself. listening to this song, the time has come, by hillsong united, one of the upbeat songs that i learned and loved this year along with one way Jesus.

Found love beyond all reason
You gave Your life Your all for me
And called me Yours forever
Caught in the mercy fallout
I found hope found life
Found all I need
You're all I need

The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna
Give my praise to You

Today today it's all or nothing
All they way
The praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today today I live for one thing
To give You praise
In everything I do
Yeah all the praise goes out to You

Really, all the toughness of life in the past month doesnt seem like that much anymore. Cos he's all i need, in no way was i overcame with all the struggles, the people and satan's attacks, cos he's all i need, so the time has come to stand, and give praise. When satan charges at u full frontal, instead of looking at him and looking at the things he's throwing at you, look up and just stand.
The ones in bold are the ones that realy speaks my heart, my praise brings a smile to God's face, i can live on that thought alone for two months, and i did. So why cant my life be living for one thing, to go all out for him, its all or nothing now. Saw talladaga nights, story of ricky bobby the other day, his father said to him when he was high that if u aint first, ur last. Well now its if u aint first, ur nothing. By first i mean in the race that we all run, we're already conquerors, so anything other than coming first by a large margin is laughable, (attempting to laugh) well y'all know what laughter sounds like. So hakuna mattada B*****.
Oh that reminds me, i saw Borat and i have to blog about it, note to self: blog about borat.

I'm back

2006-12-22T21:30:00.000-08:00

back in L-dot, just realised the moment i came here, everyone has just left for TO or whereever they're from. Kinda sad that i keep missing peeps. oh well.
Something triggered my thoughts the other day. Been meaning to blog about it but didnt get a chance. At work we have this thing called sametime, its pretty much msn for work people only. and similar to msn, it has all these status you can choose from. Mine is always "i'm active" the other options are do not disturb, i'm away and offline and such. Very similar to msn. So I was about to get started on this little project thats pretty time and concentration consuming, and i was gonna put my sametime on do not disturb. But then i realised, why? Shouldn't I make time for people if they need me? (since people use sametime to msg me about urgent requests). Would I sacrifice been there for others just so i can have a moment of peace? This made me think about our christian life. What's our status? How do we perceive in other people's eyes? Are we on the i'm active mode, that whenever people need help we're always ready to help? Or are we on the do not disturb mode whenever something happens in our life and just shut people off completely (in the do not disturb mode nobody can msg you.) I want my life message to other poeple be, i'm active and i'm here for you, whenever you need me, i would be willing to sacrifice m time for you, because you are beloved by God and by me.

gone AWOL

2006-12-07T10:20:00.000-08:00

Enoch this ones for you.
Thanks for keep checking up on me. I'm good, the reason why i havnt posted anything is because my computer cant hook up to the internet at home. And I hate to use the living room computer for anything other than msn or youtube, because it is slow and unreliable and its a public computer, so i dont wanna blog on it. I have many entries in my head that i want to post but havnt got the chance to. This one i'm posting at work because I feel i owe an explaination and my boss is not looking. :)
Once i get my internet hooked up, which might be next year since theres only a couple weeks left till xmas, i'll start posting again.
lates for now y'all
ICA

Does God exist

2006-10-30T21:08:00.000-08:00

watched a debate online between Joe Boot and college philosophy professors. Great debate very thought provoking. I just had a thought and had to write it down somewhere, so where else than here. Anyways, If evolution believes that we are in nature accidents, so everything we do are dictated by our environments and therefore justifies our actions whatever it may be. Because morality is merely an accident. So if i get angry, and a very justified anger, for example if someone kills my wife or my kids, that action will prevent me from reproduction and is counterproductive to me passing on my genes. Then I in my anger, will desire to kill that someone. Or hurt him/her badly. So am I not justified then according to evolution in my desire and/or action to destroy that person. So how can humans ever promote compassion and forgiveness when such murder or murderous intent is justified?

Space monkey II

2006-10-14T20:32:00.000-07:00

"Like a monkey, ready to be shot into space. Space monkey! Ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good."..."From now on, all those with shaved heads: "Space Monkeys"."
These are the origina quotes from fight club in regards to space monkeys. This one is for those who are willing to understand what i'm doing and also maybe what Enoch did, and why his small group is called "space monkeys"...to my understanding, correct me if i'm wrong noc.
So let's start with me shaving my head, for me its a symbolism, i have always been conscious, evenly overly conscious of what others think of me, think of my appearance. styling my hair would be one way to act that out, but shaving it just means screw all that crap and face my fear, if i spend that much time on hair, it takes away from my time with God, which is much more important. shaving my head means to confront my fear.
Second as a space monkey, we're ready to be shot into space, it means we're ready to do God's work. The monkey has no idea where he's going, he's going as a pointeer, the fronteer if you will, the forerunner as it says on one of my shirt that ypm gave to me. That we are out there in the forefront of the battle, the first ones to be sent out there, we have no idea whats ahead, so all we can do is trust God and his love, his faithfulness, his mercy and grace. shaving my head means to fully rely on God for what's ahead.
thirdly, the result of the exploration may be a great sacrifice on the part of the space monkey, but the purpose that it serves is for the greater benefit of mankind, i do this so that i could benefit everyone, when people ask me why i shave my head, i would say i shaved it for the previous two reasons, and if you wanna know who i did it for, let me tell you about this man called Jesus of Nazareth. shaving my head would be the opportunity to sacrifice what i have and use that to serve God's purpose, it gives me a clear mind to do what is His will and no longer focus on the little things like image and appearance.

aww kenpachi *wipes drool

2006-10-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

i know i know, i was gonna post space monkey part II, but bleach 98 was on, and i had to talk about it since theres so much to talked about, now i kinda understand why other people watch anime and think about their own life, its very addictive and informative. Let's start with the beginning of the battle, it seems that ichinose came back after a period with improved skills, and kenpachi is interested in seeing his improvement. As with me, i left london, and i guess in a way to sharpen my sword, as i answered the call from God and it seems like i went a way for some traiing camp he has prepared me for, out of my comfort zone and such, learning more about him and his powers. So one thing i dont want to happen is for me to go back to london after i'm done, and people say to me" nothing's changed" that would be a waste of time for me to be here. Gives me a drive to challeng myself even more.
Second, Kenpachi said that look on ichinose's face improved, he has more will to fight and he's taking the fight more seriously, it means he has grown, while he was out of soul society, and sometimes it takes one to get out of soul society, for me it was london, and train to improve that look on my face, in another words refined so that God can see his reflection in me...booyah!!
Third, Kenpachi took off his eye patch to release some of the reiatsu he kept sealed away, that was the most destructious part, especially when its an eyepatch, because sometimes we have our eyepatch so we wont be able to use the full power of God, or even see the power that God put within us, reminds me of 2 kings 17, in this context, i'll just paraphrase it as "take off our eyepatches so that we may see." See the full release of his annointing and his awesome power, because it will blow away all satan's reiatsu. Siiiick
And finaly when ichinose was beaten down, he talked about his goals and kariya's goal's (his master) and kenpachi dismissed him as he doesnt have his own goals. it makes me wonder if my goals to please God is really my own, is God's goal my own goal or just a copy because i have no goals of my own? It turns out, i wanna serve the LORD because i love him and when i love someone, their goal becomes my own, not just because i have nothing else to do, i do have my own ambitions and my own desires, but when i choose to give up those worldly goals and trade it for The LORD's goal, then his goal becomes my own and hence I have my own goal, it is that of God.
Oh and finaly finaly, when the battle was over, kepachi said i gave it my all, i find that to be a drool worthy line. biblical reference? 2 Timothy 4:7, when paul said he has fought the good fight and have finished the race.
I wanna be able to say that everyday, that today i have fought the good fight and have finished the race, and i gave it my all.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

space monkey I

2006-10-07T18:28:00.000-07:00

now ready to be shot into "space". This one's for you noc.
I know i'm ready, but i pray to God that i wont forget what the shaved head symbolizes. For me it was a pact with God, that i will not fear judgement of others, and on a broader sense, I will not fear anything of this world. Less thoughts about what other people thinks of me, and just focus on what God thinks. And I'm pointing to everyone of you out there who consider me as a friend, a brother and an allie, don't let me forget it. Guess that sentence only worked on those who reads my blogs, but oh well. So i'm sitting here at home, spending some time with my family by typing away on my laptop. I'm just reminded of God's blessing through my parents, and the things that they encourage me with, even spiritually, last night we ate out, and my mom was picking up her chopstick to eat, and i said" did you pray?" and she just dropped her chopstick and prayed, that felt good, not because i told her to do something, but to see she knows God is important, and know that i can serve as a reminder to her of that. It's a small thing, but its good to see God's work in them.
Every thanksgiving i wonder how many people are actually thankful for the things in there life, and whether they are thankful because of those things, or because of God. makes me wonder. yesterday was mid-autumn festival, a festivity in China, and the moon was round and we had mooncakes, makes me think about my family in China, then about the girl i met over the summer, iunno if she reads this, but oh well. this is an internet blog, its ok for everyone to see my thoughts, even if they might leads to consequences. It's one of the ways of geting over the fear of judgement from others, now they see my thoughts, i've got nothing to hide from them.
Anyways, better spend some real time with family, this really isnt a entry for the implications of space monkeys, but that's why i makred it part i, second part to come ... For now if you wanna find out more about space monkeys, watch fight club!!!

destructious

2006-10-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

went to prayer meeting at TCAC today. Just saw two pastors when i walked in, that was destructious. But praise God still, he can use whoever he wills and do whatever he will, he can raise up descendents of Abraham from stones, he can choose to raise up his army from trees, and three willing hearts is more than enough for him to use and do things that are unimaginable to us. We really don't have much use, but he is willing to use us. PTL.
So as we prayed for this prayer meeting, along with another mature sister who joined us later, we prayed for the church, we prayed according to the seven churches of revelations that we would not be lukewarm, we would stand firm against the devil and that we would capture that first love with God.
As i was reminded by Roger during retreat that we are to have a personal relationship with God and that we are to love him with the love he has for us, It struck me that this is the reason why i do these things and say these words, its because i love him, he is my creator, my father, my friend, my master and my king. each and everyone of the above roles listed has great significance to all of us, and we all should comprehend what those means. And what it means to love God, I for one will continue to find that out till I die and go meet him and then continue to find new significant meanings.
So i want to love him with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and all my strength, but what does it mean? i gotta find that out, i gotta learn how to love him. gotta know in my heart that i love him. He is the desires of my heart and the apple of my eye, I wanna truly be able to sing that song of solomon to him with meaning and truth. wouldnt that be great?
So hallelujah, praise God for today's prayer meeting, i was truly blessed. And that, is truly destructious

God is faithful

2006-10-02T20:04:00.000-07:00

Retreat was awesome for the lack of a better word. Came at a good time in my life, God always provides and he is just so faithful that way, it stabs me right in the heart, in a good way, or some might say shot me right between my eyebrows. let's breakit down a little.
First time when I got in, I was embraced, with hugs from almost everyone i saw, the touch of God's children is amazing. Then got to join a small group, comprised of my favourate people, and the discussion was good, simply put God made in me a desire to get to know and love the people in my SG and that was good. Got to talk to my homies (people i knew well) later that night, and a great time catching up with peeps. Sat, it was raining heavily, which made me glad because i couldn't play softball, and stayed with the prayer meeting during free time...that was a heck of a good time, just worhsipping God, praying with and for one another, to love freely and to worship freely, to jump and sing in joy. havnt done that in a while. not with that many people. It was good to pray with that many people yet still know they have the same desires, same passion and same love for God....destructious. Sat night sharing was great, its nice to see so many men stepping up there and share and not be afraid. So I pray that they would take that into the whole year, in terms of prayer meetings, men's cell, fellowship in general and serving God there. It would be a sight to see that prayer meetings packed with ACF men, to see men's cell together and do stuff and glorify God, to see men taking an active part in ACF to serve and to lead. All these things I pray and hope they pray for. Sat night worship was amazing, to see all of us in the back jumping and singing and praising God, and when we welcomed people and sang "he has made me glad" it just hit me how great it is to share this once again with brothers and sisters and the craziness we have for God. Even though i havnt seen most of them for nearly 5 months, but i come back and get blown away by how much all of us grew and how we're still worshipping God with the one heart and one voice. Crazy, God is good indeed and his fail not. Siiiiick.
Sunday I realised that it was the fruit of the exec, that they were obedient to God and God worked through them to make this retreat happen, and Glory to God, just realising that it was these people that i watched them grow and it was these same people that had the same struggle as me and now they are forerunners for God and they are the frontline fighters, they are the warriors and they took the responsibility and made one heck of an oppotunity out of it. Just amazing what God has done through them. Again, crazins.
Coming back, still with the song inside out ringing in my head and he has made me glad on my tongue, I realised i'm ready, to go into battle again, i'm ready for this wed's prayer meeting. I'm ready for whatever satan has for me, so BRING IT ON!!!! For God is with me, and he strengthen's me, so i have full confidence to boast in him, that i have his full armor and ready for whatever you through at me, cos whatever it is, it'll has to go through God first, hallelujah!!!

watchman

2006-09-21T19:28:00.000-07:00

boy am i glad God started me on Ezekiel, so much stuff to be learned. Ezekiel 33, Ezekiel was made Watchman for Isreal. In a sense its a scary thought, because when your people sin, you must warn them, if you do not warn them when they die of sin, and the LORD will hold you accountable. It's a pretty sticky position. Go tell people they are sinners, if you dont, u will be held accountable. Sometimes I wonder about chrisitians around me, do we rebuke or question with the same kind of conviction? Sometime I wish I had that drive, because that doesnt give me much alternative, I either choose to be held responsible for their sin, or i tell them that they are in sin... gives me more motivation to speak out thats for sure. So why is any other time different, if I see someone doing what they're not suppose to do then whats holding me back? The fear of offending someone come to mind.
Wed at prayer meeting, our youth pastor mentioned what do canadians hold as a great virtue. Tolerence, freedom comes to mind. That we must be receptive to other cultures, other opinions and even other religions. That even if something is blatantly wrong, we should respect their choice, they are right in their own way. That's the biggest illusion that we find ourselves in, that we're almost apologetic for being follower of Christ. It reminds of Jesus teaching in the synagogue, he blasted at the Jews, the Pharasees and the teachers for claiming to be saved because they are descendants of Abraham, and Jesus was not afraid to offend, the truth was much more important. So why are we so afraid to offend? Have we been so possessed by this culture that we forgot we can only worship one God? That we forgot that Jesus the THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE? What have we become? I expressed that I wanted the gift of prophecy, and as a prophet in the old testament, they had to tell the people their sin, so I for one must not be afraid if I do want that gift, cos it comes as a whole package.

you're in the way

2006-09-17T19:05:00.000-07:00

ahhhhh, byakuya, soooo cool, this one is for the bleach watchers. So Byakuya gets into a fight with karya, the lead bounto, and during the fight, Ichigo comes in to interfere. And all Byakuya says is, you're in the way. Half way through the battle Ichigo almost got attacked by Byakuya's attack, cos he was tangled with karya.
The primary objective of Byakuya is that anyone who disturbs Soul Society will be cut down. So as we relate that to our christian walk, it would be cool to think that we are fighters for God's kingdom, and if satan or anyone attempts to disturb God's plan, we'll have to cut them down. and second thing is that, God is the leader of the battle, in the anime it was said that byakuya was the most renowned shinigami in soul society, so he had alot of influence on the whole place, now if God wants to fight satan, us interfering will only get ourselves into more trouble, or even be held hostage by satan, just because we think we got our bankai(spiritual gifts, knowledge and armour of God) does not give us the right to interfere with God's work, in the end we're only gonna screw up and have God save us again. so sometimes its just best to step aside and watch the great one at battle, and in awe because he has the coolest fighting styles. Booyah

what can I give?

2006-09-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

been reading ezekiel and this passage came up, ezekiel 24 : 15-27, especially verse 18, "...in the evening my wife died. The next morning I did as I had been commanded." shooooot, that's some insane faith. What would i do if God took away my wife? even my girlfriend if i had one? What if its something or someone else that i love and cherish...would i turn my back on him? would i be angry with him? would i "lament or weep or shed any tears"? or...would i do as i had been commanded. It's life like that that makes me wonder, how strong is my faith, should my faith be tested in such an insane way, would i be able to endure? would i be able to remember to call on God for strength, or would i be so blind by the pain that i just keel over and wish i was never born. Later God explains his reason for doing so,

"on the day I take away their stronghold, their joy and glory, the delight of their eyes, their heart's desire, and their sons and daughters as well- 26 on that day a fugitive will come to tell you the news. 27 At that time your mouth will be opened; you will speak with him and will no longer be silent. So you will be a sign to them, and they will know that I am the LORD."

All this will be and only be for the Glory of the LORD, reading this passage makes me glad that God doesnt test me beyond my limits, but it also makes me sad that my limit can only go so far, i probly am not willing to give up my wife, yes i am weak, but i pray that God will give me the faith necessary if and when the time should come. so in light of all that, i examine my life, and search all things that i love and cherish and ask myself, would i be willing to give that for God, for he has given his only begotten son, and his son has given me his life, what can i give?

sinfulness

2006-09-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

well i guess its time to deal with it head on, why do i sin? and why do i keep sinning when i know its wrong. Everytime i ask for forgiveness, deep down in my heart i loath myself for even bringing that up with God, to know that i've hurt him so much, and now trying to put on a face to cover my sinful heart, when my brain is telling me, i'll do the exact same thing tomorrow, how can i ask for forgiveness?Oh its not like God still remembers ur sin, once they're forgiven they are forgotten. But dont kid yourself, God searched my heart and knew what i was thinking, what i was feeling, he knows what i had in mind, stop trying to play games, its a game that everyone loses, how you like that? Time and time again, i tell myself, start living the victorious life, but time and time again i fall short, whats wrong with me? Do I have NO SHAME!!!To ask for forgiveness, and only to hurt him again, if i were a son of mine, i would've abandoned him long time ago, but God doesnt want to, and he doesnt give up on me, so why do i give up on myself, and take no action AGAINST MY HABITUAL SINS!!!Why do i just let it drag on and say"I'll deal with it later", its one of satan's best lies and he used that to full effect on me, so knowing that, i still play along with it? i've got to be insane...No more lies, its not worth it

long time no blog

2006-09-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

havnt been here for a while, mainly because internet is screwy at home. Which made me realised how dependent i've become to it, and what can a few days without internet do to me. Its not like i get panic attacks and need it like an addiction, just bugs when i cant check my email promptly especially when i know there are important ones coming in. May be i'm getting too paranoid about my freedom of choice. But i'd rather depend on God for everything than depending on worldly things. Woot
So heard a cool story from Jon. when someone is extracting silver from the impurities, the simple way of knowing when the silver is pure, is when the extractor can see his/her reflection in it. By the same token we are to be refined in the fire of God so that God can see his image in me. God smacked me over the head two days ago with this passage to go along with that story.

Then the word of the LORD came to me: 18 "Son of man, the house of Israel has become dross to me; all of them are the copper, tin, iron and lead left inside a furnace. They are but the dross of silver. 19 Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: 'Because you have all become dross, I will gather you into Jerusalem. 20 As men gather silver, copper, iron, lead and tin into a furnace to melt it with a fiery blast, so will I gather you in my anger and my wrath and put you inside the city and melt you. 21 I will gather you and I will blow on you with my fiery wrath, and you will be melted inside her. 22 As silver is melted in a furnace, so you will be melted inside her, and you will know that I the LORD have poured out my wrath upon you.' " Ezekiel 22: 17-22

First when i read this, i was like, man the LORD is tough and he's gonna get rid of Isreal and destroy them. But then when i relate back to this story. I was like...ooooooohhhh shhoooooott.
Refinement by God, with his wrath he will purify Isreal as a nation so that they may NOT be doomed, but be pure and Holy so that they will obey God. Even God's wrath is outta love, shooott, how can God be so loving? It blows my mind. Even when he destroys me, its still for my own good, so that i can glorify his name...dang...wish my God was that cool, oh wait, he is my God, halleluya!!!

Just a little something to brighten up someone's day

comfort

2006-08-26T19:28:00.000-07:00

this is such a weird thing, comfort. I don't quite grasp it yet i feel it. With everything I do, everything i see. Why do people seek comfort so much? Why do I seek it. Everything must be within our comfort zone, its like theres a barrier for us to do things that are out of the ordinary, or things that might make us uncomfortable. Even more so with myself.
We went on a prayer walk on friday night. We basically walked through our neighbourhood and prayed for things on a list we got, or anything the Spirit leads us to. Throughout the prayer walk, either one or another and including me mentioned things about comfort. I dont know if the people in my group will read this, but this is to myself as well. That night, i felt a sense of discomfort, praying in public, in front of many eyes watching, what would people think? What would they say? Am I standing on private property, what if people chase after us? But as those thoughts were going through my head, an even stronger sense took over, a reassurane that I was a messenger for God, that I was lead by the Spirit, that God has given me his power and authority to pray for these people, to pray for this community, the eyes, the whispers, the thoughts and the fear doesnt matter anymore. We as sons and daughters of God should be fearless, for God is with us, who can be against us? If i am the follower of the one that conquered death, what else is there to be afraid of? I marvel at my imagination and the BS that it tells me, that i shouldnt do it because it might offend someone, that i should not force things on people, screw ALL THAT, i'm praying in the NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OF NAZERETH, the name above all names, the one that is seated on the Right hand of God almighty. Let it be known that i'm praying for these people, as they need Jesus just as much as i do. satan and his lies can not stand in the way, as i stand in the Truth, s0 let the fear in me be gone, for it is not from God. Let me no longer base my actions on what is comfortable, but what is the Will of God, comfort doesnt mean anything if its not what God wants. Let's go to where God call us to be, and not where it is comfortable

consuming fire

2006-08-24T20:39:00.000-07:00

So i've been wanting to talk about this consuming fire for a while now. Guess i just dont know what to say. Ezekiel 1 27-28. That's what i imagined it would be. That God would just send down that fire to us, to our churches, to our youth camps, to our conferences, retreats, VBS and missions and whatever he want to work in, and consume us. For us to see that fire, and receive it. That we would burn for God, to rise up and declare, to proclaim, to praise and to worship. To share that fire with everyone else so that they would burn with us. That we would give up all control, everything we think we may desire and want, that we may think is best for us, give it up to him, and let him decide it. Yes this is pretty trivial stuff, yes any christian should know it, but faith without action is dead, if anyone has been able to give up all control to God and has been consumed by God and live life fully dependent on him, then PLEASE leave a comment, i would LOVE to share with you and learn how you live, because i can't, and i don't know many that can. Guess the main reason for this post is i wanna see God working in all of our lives, the small things that we praise God are truly great, buti wanna see bigger things happening, people come to Christ, sick gets healed, nations repent, the city falling to its knees and pray, i wanna see revival happening in our churches, in our youth, in everywhere the sun can shine, i want to see people give Glory to His name and reknown, I want people to live as they mean it, to live to the full potential that God sees in them. I know i'm not expecting too much as God said these things are not too hard for him, so let's all pray for that consuming fire to work in our lives. I for one will do so, will you?

hard times

2006-08-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

darg...satan, get the heck away from me. Things have been pretty messed up recently, by things i mean my mind. Keeps getting weirder and weirder. I dont know what i'm thinking about half the time, absent minded, it gets tough at work cos theres things to do and its not helping when i stare at the computer screen for half an hour with my mind blank. It also doesnt help when i make trivial mistakes and get scolded by coworkers. But theres still plenty more to praise God for and the hope that I will over come this time of trial. satan really does use anything and everything to attack, the moment u let your guard down, booom, barge right through the door. gotta start armour myself every morning, makes me wonder if i had misplaced my sword or helmet, but the truth is, i'm just blinded and preoccupied by the things that are troubling and fail to look to God when the world crumbles around me. so i spent sometime with God today, just resting in him, realised i havnt done this in a while, its always nice to just be in the arms of my beloved, nothing needs to be said, he knows my pain, and he knows what i need to ease that pain. brings me comfort, so yea, btw did i mention? satan get the heck outta my life!!!

hard day

2006-08-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

rough day at work, got through on God's grace, it was pretty gross, absent minded all day, feeling tired and drained. Made so many mistakes, got scolded by a co worker, if its not for the hope of a better day tomorrow, i might have cracked. Learn and move on thats what they always say....now what was the lesson there? I got enough sleep the previous night, i gave up my day to God...satan? possibly, or my own view of how things are and my attitude towards the day? the worse the day gets the more frustrated i get and the more i curse the day and then the worse the day gets. Guess u gotta be careful of what u say cos your words comes with Power and Authority from God. That might be it....anyways, better snooze on it and welcome a brand new day tomorrow.

extreme

2006-08-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

Some people question the way I talk and how i live my life. seems a bit extreme. Even when i'm joking or relaxing, i go to the extreme, even if in my leisure time, i get all up tight and go gung ho about stuff. I dont see anything wrong with being extreme, the way i see it, is that the life i live is for God, and no matter how extreme i am, i can never out extreme God, because he is the alpha and omega. He is the beginning and the end, so theres no way that i'm too extreme for him, and i like to go all out about stuff i'm passionate about, even if its just everyday stuff. Something that seems insignificant may be important to me, or to God. It's really between me and God how i live my life, but i realise that sometimes i must do things out of consideration for others, honestly if i say all the things i wanted to say, i dont think many people can stand it, so i have to relax it and go with the flow. If i do stuff thats out of the ordinary, and a bit out of people comfort zone, i'm not sorry. Cos i know i'm not called to live a life of comfort, if i did, i wouldnt be in toronto, heck i wouldnt even be in Canada, but the point is i was called to live a life of obedience, doing and speaking what ever God tells me to...So if i do say stuff thats not from God, i ask for forgiveness, but if i say stuff, and you're not comfortable with it, that i wont accept. So start thinking about what i said before saying its too extreme, because i try not to say meaningless things. If i do, smack me over the head with it, because i need to know, but if you cant point out whats wrong with what i'm saying, then dont judge it.

started a blog

2006-08-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

I dont why i started this, it was a spur of the moment thing because i had to sign up to leave a comment at a friend's blog. I know i was never good at blogging and i'm never good at finishing blogging. But God's been telling me and working on me so much, i feel selfish if i dont share it with people. Just like how my councellor (turns out i'm not good at spelling either) says, what God gave you is not for you, its for me. So this is for everybody. Anyone out there who might be interested in the life of a humble man whose too prideful to admit he has a problem with consistency. If i dont update the blog, shower me with rebuking mails please as i need it to keep it going. It's never about whether i have something interesting to say, its always about what God said to me and why am i not sharing that with everybody. But that just seems to be so outwardly rediculous as i dont even know who to share it to. People say there's a time and place for everything. Well i'm a sucker at telling the time AND the place, because i can never find the right time to say the right things, everything must all ends in either me frustrating other people or other people frustrating me. Sure i'm telling the truth, sure i'm saying what i feel, sure i'm saying what i think i'm suppose to say, but why must it be responded with an argument? why must be responded with a personal attack? why must it be responded with well...thats not how i see it? What happened to good old fashioned, i think you have apoint, what happened to if that's how you think you should live, then i respect that, what happened to thats great, keep at it. Why must certain people argue about everything and disagree with everything, and why must i turn into one of them and arguing and disagreeing with them? Make me wanna just shut my mouth and wear ear plugs.

Speaking of which, been reading Ezekiel 3: 24-27, talks about Ezekiel was muted by God and that he was not allowed to talk to his people even though he sees the sins and the wrong things that are going on. I tried to imagine what that would feel like...nope, cant picture it, the pain would be too great for me to bear. God gave me a loud mouth, i'll use it...wait, whats that? You want me to be quiet? But this person is living in sin and he doesnt know it, but this person claims he knows you when he doesnt even pray, what the????

You know what, if you tell me to shut up, i'll shut up, you know better