its been a while

since i've blogged last time. i feel like i 've been just a walking corpse or a zombie, doing the bidding of those that requires of me. dont really know what i'm doing, counting down the days till i leave, theres so much to do, so much people to see, yet i feel i'm constantly seeing people. feel so useless, i hate making small talks, i wanna know you, not the side of you that u wanna show me. feel so fake, i hate telling people about my day, screw my day, i wanna tell u about my future. feel so depressed, i hate leaving, i've left so many places, each one just gets harder, i wanna make the time continue longer, but i cant. theres so much happened, but i dont wanna talk about any of it here, seems theres too many to even start. i dont have AC, so yesterday morning i woke up at 6 from the heat, thought i was gonna die, every night before i go to bed i pray that i will see another day, i wanna live, yet i dont feel alive, i pray that i dont die, but i dont pray that i wanna live, it so strange, its like all i want is to not die, anything above and beyong i dont really care. So what am i living for? For his glory and his renown, if there was no hope of seeing his name proclaimed i got nothing. i dont feel anything nowadays when i sing, but i sing anyways, Lord show me something, show me a glimpse of your glory so that i know what u can give is so much more than what the world can offer, show me you are better than the riches of this world, show me you are better than pornography, show me u are better than playing softball. Show me your glory Lord, let me not continue in my ways but abide in yours, let this decaying body of mine walk in your Spirit, even if it kills me. Actually sometime i think to die for God is too easy, long suffering seem to be harder, either way, i consider all i have now as loss, compare to KNOWING YOU, let me know you half as much as you know me. Please