I cant afford to hold back

I went to another fellowship from the same churched called pure heart, joined the younger group. We sang worship songs Karaoke style, its like a dream come true hahaha, always wanted to do that at karaokes, cos usually i dont know the songs they sing, but also worship songs is that much cooler, havnt jumped and danced around like that in a while. It's really freeing, we stood on our chairs at the end and declared and made a commitment to change. time to be a man of my words.

Sometimes I wonder if i have been truly set free, or did i put on a fake smile as if i'm free so that others dont have see the burdens i carry, or people wont think its very christian of me that i'm still bound by stuff, people would think less of me if i dont serve God wholeheartedly, that i'm still holding back. I cant afford to hold back anymore, this time i'm facing an opponent that draws out the best and worst of me. I know i already have victory, but i cant guarantee that i'll win, its a wierd thought, but that what i'm thinking, we proclaimed that tomorrow is going to be a better day than today, i smiled cos enoch was saying a while ago that every day is better than the previous one, so everyday is the best day of my life, cos each day we get that much closer to God. I dont wanna falter on this one, tomorrow will be better than today, God's guaranteed, i'm not going to allow myself to be miserable tomorrow, i dont have to be in a good mood, but i will rejoice cos its better than the day before.
the worship was great, but the small talk after is always awkward, i dont know them, they have no reason to talk to me except to be nice, i have nothing to say to them cos i know i wont remember anything of their names, and i'm skeptical if they remember mine, but that doesnt matter, i'm just tired of telling people i'm from cananda, tired of saying yes to whether or not i know yun ping, dont get me wrong, they're great people, i just dont like this stage of getting to know them. I'm glad i can share with one guy that its a blesing to be here, i felt tongue tied, i felt i was outta words, i felt awkward, i have 2 weeks, i cant build a reasonably deep relationship with any of you, yet you try to make me feel welcome, funy usually the people that make an attempt to talk to me is usually the ones that have the most stuff to do at the fellowship, like leading worship and such, i kinda miss the one on one relationship i built in TO, in london, but i know if i stay here long enough i can also build my own, except i wont, i'm just here to take, to mooch off them, i'm not ashamed, they're here to give, i'm here to take, i'm thankful that God provided for me to take, so i'll gonna take all i can, eat all i can of spiritual food, so i can take it back to ACF, i want my rest, and God's given it, PTLs.