more than conquerors

Are you afraid to die? I was, and still am. Cos I was raised in China, communism with a solidified ground that when we die, we will go to dust and thats the end of it, I will no longer exist, the me that people know will be no more, and nothing is replaced. many years i asked, how could this happen, the best answer i got was, it happens to all of us, and take comfort in knowing that plenty of people will die before you. That's the best this world has to offer me. Till i met this dude named Jesus, and its said about him that for God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son, so that all who belives in him do not perish but have everlasting life. The famous verse from John, i admit thats what attracted me most about Christ, he can give me life!! and not the life that this world has promised me, but life everlasting. But i read somewhere else that troubled me,

"38and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Mathew 10:38
What the heck??? I thought you came so that I can have life and life to the fullest. I interpreted it this way, correct me if i'm wrong, theres 2 lifes here, one is worldly life, one that will perish, belongs to the flesh, one is everlasting life, that does not perish that belongs to the soul. My body may die but my soul lives on and will go through judgement. So if I reword this passage, it becomes, whoever find his worldly life will lose it, and whoever loses his worldly life for my sake will find eternal life. This comes back to what i've been reading in Revelations, this is a long overdue post, cos i read this pasage in san fran. Revelations 12:11 11
They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
That's pretty huge, they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death, even at gun point, they will not stop testifying for Jesus. Can I do that? Can you do that?
the following courtesy of Biblegateway
"In this pronouncement the "overcomers" of chapters 2-3 are identified as Christian martyrs. Their victory over the dragon comes not by physical prowess, nor even by purity or good works, but solely by their willingness to face martyrdom for Jesus Christ. They will be victorious in exactly the same way in which Jesus the Lamb was victorious--through their deaths."If we only know the joy and the victory that will come after we give our worldly lives, if we only know how we will be rewarded for our faithfulness...we do know, I know the one thing that I desire from God when I see him, "well done good and faithful servant" or in anime talk "as expected from a child of mine." Does all these things make death less scary, i dont think so, but does it make death worth it?? Yes!! for sure.
as Paul says: As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."^[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." i wont highlight anything cos all of them are important, and i've already highlighted what i think is the most important, God doesnt necessarily want all of us to be martyrs, but what he does want is "their willingness to face martyrdom for Jesus Christ". I lack freedom in that willingness, i'm gonna go pray for that now, what about you?